He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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