hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
