what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
