Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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