i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
