Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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