Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
