TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
