he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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