yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
