foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
