I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Vodka?
Forever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
