apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
