im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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