new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
