just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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