I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
