I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
