It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
