I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
