His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
