did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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