Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
