I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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