Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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