Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
