marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
