Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
