Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
