thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think my vagina is haunted
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
