Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
