how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't notice because vodka
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
