Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
