He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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