oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
