I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
