do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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