I cannot find my penis.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
