I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
