i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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