You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
