in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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