Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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