So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
