yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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