The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
