paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
