I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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