It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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