I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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